


Oh Child Soldier! Where is your smile?

by EternalGlizzy



Category: DreamSMP, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Child Neglect, Child Soldiers, Exiled Tommyinnit, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Minecraft, Other, Past Child Abuse, References to Depression, TommyInnit Angst (Video Blogging RPF), dream is yucky i will kill him, possible redemption arc for everyone, tommy is just angry and sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:42:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28103382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EternalGlizzy/pseuds/EternalGlizzy
Summary: Tommy was made into a soldier and he fights.He fights for his friends. He fights for his family. He fights for his discs.He told himself everything will be fine and continued fighting o matter what.But now his world is crashing down and people forget that even if he's a soldier, he's just a kid.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Dave | Technoblade & TommyInnit & Wilbur Soot & Phil Watson, No Romantic Relationship(s), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Comments: 13
Kudos: 360





	1. When the story starts, everything will be fine

It started with Wilbur.

His brother. He remembered Wilbur well. They would mess around when he was younger, the older teasing him and him teasing him back. They were both vocal with one another, the blonde more than the brunette. Sometimes Techno and Philza had to pull the two apart due to their very crazy game of "who can bully the other better". ~~Even when Tommy pokes fun at Wilbur's small tusks a part of him is jealous for how cool Wilbur is~~. The fire in his soul lighting up whenever the other initiated the game and soon they would go on for hours constantly teasing the other for fun.

_He didn't expect Wilbur to go this far though._

  
It started with Techno.

Unlike his brunette twin, Techno wasn't as vocal. He would mostly give grunts as answers and no one was bothered by it. But when Techno's training Tommy and Tommy ask questions on how to get better with Techno replying in only grunts it fills the blonde with anger. He wanted to get better, ~~so he could protect his friends and family~~. so he could brag and be the hero of the day. 

_He didn't expect a death threat from Techno when he tried to save the day_

  
It started with Philza.

When he was first taken into the family he expected to be kicked out in a week. He was known for being angry and for fighting with others, that was how he survived with his anger. So when he was accepted in kind and loving arms he hesitated. ~~He was scared what would happen if he became too angry and was left behind again~~. Philza would help him talk about his feelings and ~~sometimes~~ his anger would be gone.

_He didn't expect his dad to ditch him in his time of need_

He loved his family. Of course he did. They took him in and made him the person he is now. He can use his words like Wilbur, he can fight like Techno and he can control his emotions like Philza.

So when Wilbur came up with his get rich scheme Tommy immediately helped. He wanted to prove to his family that he wasn't a kid and he was just as powerful as them.

~~He didn't expect to be in a war~~

It was fine. It was super fine. When he first helped Wilbur and then his friend Tubbo was dragged along into it and then soon enough they're fighting against Dream and soon enough he feels blood on his shirt and soon enough he can barely see and soon enough he's crying and soon enough he can barely breath and-

It was fine.

He told himself that from the beginning and even now. It was almost like a lullaby to himself. It helped him get through everyday without paying attention to how sore he is, how tired he is and how hungry he is. 

It was fine when Tommy had to give his discs to Dream in order for L'manberg to exist. It was fine that when the elections came around Schlatt got elected into power and exiled him and Wilbur. It was fine that Wilbur went mad and forced him to get better at anything that could defeat the tyrant. It was fine that Wilbur blew everything up and it was fine when he knew Wilbur originally wanted to blow up _Tommy's L'manberg_ instead of Tubbo's.

It was fine that his brother Technoblade joined them. It was fine that he had to train even harder than before and with each loss and with each failure he would always get the same disappointed grunt or the same disappointed look. It was fine when Techno shot Tubbo during the festival. It was fine when he was almost beaten to a bloody pulp by him when they were commanded to fight in 'The Pit'. It was fine when Techno gave his speech about how Tommy will only fall in the end and almost killed everyone with the Withers.

It was fine that whenever he wrote to Philza he would never get anything back. It was fine that whenever he wanted to share whatever was happening to Philza his brothers denied him the right to. It was fine that cried some nights wishing his dad was here to hug him and calm him down. It was fine that when his dad did come, he killed his brother and cried. It was fine when his dad decided to side with his traitor of another brother and leave him all alone.

The first night without any of his family he almost cries. He almost breaks, but he doesn't. He goes and talks to Tubbo about what they should do for New L'manberg. Tubbo was president and everything will turn out alright for the both of them. They'll be safe and happy and nothing bad will ever happen. 

He talks with Tubbo in the passing days, deciding on what they should do. He talks with the others, bothering other civilians with his personality or starts building just to take his mind off of things. Tubbo once complained about him not acting like a proper Vice President and Tommy laughed. They both laughed once they realized they were two kids in positions of power. They would sit on the bench when it's late laughing the night away.

Even in peace he can't sleep. He's still up, trying to get his mind off of everything he shouldn't think of. He shouldn't be thinking about how Wilbur forgot everything, ~~Every insult, every hug, everything they worked for~~. He shouldn't be worrying about Techno, ~~Traitor he is, even when he helped Tommy fall asleep easier and told him it will all be fine~~. He shouldn't be wishing Phil would come to him, ~~Obviously picking favorites with the traitor, even though after the death of his brother he wept as he was held in his dad's arms.~~

He was never good with emotions. He always tried to be but he would always burst. He would be angry when Wilbur teases him in a way that hurts, he would be angry when he can't meet Techno's demands, he would e angry when he can't just calm down and meditate when his dad asks him too. He's shaking and for a second he doesn't even realize he committed a crime. He sees the house he defiled with Ranboo and almost wants to cry. He wants to scream and cry, he didn't mean to, but he knew no one would believe him and when he heard Dream yell at him and how L'manberg is in trouble because of him he wishes he wouldn't exist.

He tries to make it up with Tubbo, giving him a present with the help of Ghostbur. ~~A part of him wants to scream at him, scream at him for everything he's done, for ruining him and Tubbo but he doesn't.~~ Tubbo doesn't even smile and just shoos Tommy away. Tommy spends that night awake, not even sleeping, shaking and begging that nothing goes wrong.

Of course it's him who ruins his chances. He talks back, Dream gets mad, and soon enough he's exiled. As much as he didnt want to, he sees Tubbo's face. He sees anger, true anger and he almost _breaks_. He notices Fundy and Quackity angry as well. ~~A part of him wants to fight back, wants to scream and defend himself. But he doesn't.~~

And now here he is. He's all alone, unless you count his dead brother company. ~~All he does is sing about being o tour and how this is a splendid vacation. He wishes he could grab him and shake him till he shuts up.~~ Dream blows up his gear and he starts from the beginning. He lives in a dirt hut luckily with a bed and he sits on the ground. He's exiled now and his best friend hates him. He almost chokes, preventing himself from letting any tears out as Ghostbur goes on an adventure to help decorate their 'home'.

Home.

This wasn't home.

Home was New L'manberg.

Home was with Tubbo, it was with all of his friends. It was where he was happy.

~~He ignores the voice in the back of his head that says he was never at home and he will never be.~~


	2. The Sour Taste of Pain and Envy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy's all alone and he's envious of everyone else.

  
Exile was not what Tommy thought it was going to be.

He was already exiled once, but that was just from when Schlatt was in control of l'manberg. Now he was exiled by his friend, and he's on a deserted island with only himself, his dead brother and dream to visit him. 

It was weird. He remembers long ago he would be afraid of his brother, but now he would internally yell at himself for craving the company his dead brother would give him. And even then sometimes his brother would leave him, cause he's not exiled. He can go back and forth from New L'manberg and Logstedshire. He envies him. 

Dream would visit sometimes. Mostly to poke fun and burn all of Tommy's things. Dream would comment somehing under his breath as he did it, "You didn't deserve it." or "This is your punishment." A part of Tommy blocks it out, he doesn't want to hear it. And after that Dream's buddy buddy with him and when he's done playing pretend he leaves. Tommy hates how he could just go home. He envies him.

He and Ranboo start up a mail system. To conversate throughout this exile, and as much as Tommy hates to admit it, Ranboo has been the nicest to him. During the whole exile punishment, Ranboo stood up for him and Tommy almost cried. ~~He wouldn't cry, he doesn't want them to know he's weak~~ But when they send their words Ranboo leaves and goes home to help Tubbo govern the nation. He envies him.

Barely anyone visits him. He knows they're busy but a part of him wishes deep down that they would just spend some time with him. He envies them.

He thinks of Tubbo sometimes. He thinks about how if the roles were reversed, Tubbo would have visitors. How Tommy would stay by Tubbo's side. ~~He doesn't want to admit he know Tubbo wouldn't do the same for him~~ He envies him.

He would spend some nights staring up at his tent. ~~He named it Tnret to help distract him from he fact that he is very much alone~~. Some times he shifts just out of it so he's able to see the stars. They all twinkle and shine as he stares. He remembers being told about the constellations, so he pulls out his hand and tries to trace them.

He notices how the constellations are connected. How they need each other in order to be known. His eyes water. He envies the stars.

The days blur by. It's the same pattern everyday. Wake up, get his tools and armor blown up by Dream and then he does whatever. It sucks but it's the only thing he has.

He makes himself a girlfriend. It was supposed to be a joke, to help himself cope with the loneliness as Ghostbur has fun outside of Logstedshire. Sometimes he sits next to her and 'shows' her the constellations. It makes him feel less lonely.

One night he couldn't deal with it. He was angry. Angry at everyone who left him, angry at the mistreatment he couldn't change. Angry at the gods, angry at whoever deemed him the hero, the soldier who will change the tides. He walks over to 'Hot Girl' and once he sees the misplaced red wool his memory blurs. All he remembers is his fists red, blood, and a smashed pumpkin in front of him. He cries that night for his 'girlfriend' ~~She was his only friend here and he 'killed' her. He hates how much he cries over that inanimate object. He wishes he was smashed instead of her.~~

His anger stays and he hates that it's his only motivation to get up. He bites back at Dream's taunts and is met with fie near his face, a part of him almost panics, wanting to back away from the danger, the anger inside of him demands he stays, to show Dream that he isn't his little toy.

He looks up at the stars. Everything's a blur. It's only clear when it's night. He hasn't seen Ghostbur in weeks? Days? Months? Tommy couldn't remember. He only remembers looking at the sky with a sour taste in his mouth.

It gets worse when Ghostbur returns, giving Tommy picture of New L'manberg, forcing Tommy to bite his tongue and smile. The question almost rises out of his throat when he looks over at Dream. ~~He knew his plea would be rejected so he doesn't even attempt to ask again.~~

"W-... Ghostbur, I need to ask you a favor." Tommy asks one night, staring at the stars. He was sitting, paper all over the ground and ink on his hands.

"What is it Toms?" The ghost asks swirling around the blonde.

"I need you to pass out these invitations. I want to have a beach party." Tommy smiles. Maybe this would get their attention. They like fun and who would want to hang out with him if it's sad. Maybe if it's fun they'll be happy. ~~Maybe he'll be happy~~

Ghostbur grabs the invitations and leaves. The next day Tommy sits and hopes.

He hopes all day for his friends to join him.

He hopes that they'll be happy and won't look a him as if he was a disgrace.

He hopes that they won't think of him as a liability.

He hopes they'll miss him.

  
Dream shows up. Dream shows up when he's crying, puts down some cake and tries to cheer him up. Tommy stares at him, tears clouding up his vision.

"I'm not hungry." He admits when Dream tries to push the cake towards him.

They go sit on the beach together, on the makeshift towels Tommy made. 

"You know Tommy. How about this, I'll let you play with it for a bit." Dream breaks the silence, and hands Tommy his trident. ~~As much as Tommy hates him, Tommy doesn't want to admit he almost hugged the man for the attention.~~

They spend the night doing party tricks, Tommy laughing and Dream laughing. Tommy shoots him with an arrow, they have fun and laugh, and soon enough it starts to rain. Dream starting to get soaked, and Tommy was already soaking.

"Wait." Dream says and Tommy almost dies on spot. "Try to see if you could fly with it." He suggests, his mask giving it's normal smile. And like a child Tommy obeys.

He's spinning, he's launching himself into the air. Higher and higher, he can barely hear Dream anymore. He's higher the air and he's smiling laughing at himself. Until he looks up. The rain felt colder, it didn't take a genius to realize it was snow. But he isn't paying attention to that, he pays attention to the stars. The stars, he was closer now. He was so close he could've touched them. But he knew he couldn't, they seemed to move farther away. He was... He was...

_He was all alone._

He fell down, crashing through the water trident in hand. Dream had to pull him out, shaking the kid for a response. Tommy only smiles and says that was so much fun.

That night, after making the guest tent, Dream leaves. And Tommy is left all alone with his thoughts. He's not in his tent, instead he's near the abandoned party looking at the stars. Everyone left him. They don't care anymore. He doesn't want to think it but he knows it's true. He's too angry, he's too angry to be a helpful person. He feels himself getting angry and he looks around, finding something to use his anger on. His eyes turn to the place 'Hot Girl' used to be.

He wants to scream. He already used his anger on someone else, and they weren't even real. He couldn't d anything right, he was a stupid fucking kid who would mess up everything no wonder no one came. He curls into a ball and pulls his hair. He closes his eyes shut and he tries to block out his thoughts, and all he could think about is how everyone's mad at him about how they want him gone about how he's such a fucking selfish liability that no matter what, _he never fucking mattered._

He looks down at his hands. His left hand was shaking. He wasn't left handed but looking at his hand made him realize how useless it was. It was shaking, he wasn't scared. But his hand was shaking. ~~He was terrified he was terrified he was terrified he was~~

He slams his hand down and soon enough starts smashing his fist into his left arm. Punching over and over again, ~~trying to feel something~~ he's biting his cheek. He's punching over and over again, -he feels something wet on his face, but the rain has stopped a while ago- his vision blurs. All he sees is red, and soon enough it stops.

He envies Ghostbur because no matter what people love that amnesiac terrorist more than the soldier that helped him. He envies Dream for having so much power and having nothing bad happen to him even if he kept on losing and showed how awful of a person he was. He envies Ranboo for being closer to Tubbo than Tommy could ever be. He reads the notes he knows how Tubbo made Ranboo his new best friend and soon they're doing stuff Tommy could only imagine in his dreams. He envies everyone else for not giving a shit and for being able to continue their lives, he envies them for not caring. He envies the stars because they're always there for each other and no matter what they can never leave. They are stuck to one another like glue.

When he can see again and all he can see is a bruised up arm. A part of him wants to cry, wants someone to look at him and help him. Another part knows that it won't ever happen and that he needs to go to bed.

_~~Another part of him enjoyed the pain. That part of him begs him to do it again and again and again until it's the only thing he can feel~~._


End file.
